- If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
- If The Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me
- How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away’
- I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well
- I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better
- I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight ‘Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win
- I’ll Marry You Tomorrow But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight
- I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like Having You Here
- If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To I’d Be Out Of Prison By Now
- My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
- She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
- You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
- Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure
- She’s Looking Better After Every Beer
- I Haven’t Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women, but I’ve Sure As Hell Woke Up With A Few.
Tag Archive | "Jokes"
Top 15 Redneck Songs
Posted on 07 October 2009.
Posted in JokesComments (0)
Redneck Valentines
Posted on 07 October 2009.
- Kudzu is green, my dog’s name is Blue
And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. - Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s and without all them fleas. - You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales, but I luv you anyway. - You’re as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin’ in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as SunDrop right out of the can. - You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we’re in a crowd. - On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits,
Well, I’m in hawg heaven, I’m plumb outta my wits. - And speakin’ of wits, you’ve got plenty fer shore.
‘Cuz you married me back in ’74. - Still them fellers at work they all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe. - Like a good roll of duct tape, yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles and stick ‘em in the can. - Yo’re as strong as a four-wheeler racin’ through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd. - Yo’re as cute as a junebug a-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like no far ant upon which I oft’ tread. - Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad. - When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain’t nuttin’ I lack. - Yore complexion, it’s perfection, like the best vinyl sidin’.
Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin’. - And when you get old like a ’57 Chevy,
Won’t put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy. - Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank,
We go together like a skunk goes with stank. - Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart; It’s romantic that way. - Some men git roses on that special day,
From the cooler at Kroger. ‘That’s impressive,’ I say. - Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
‘Diamonds are forever,’ they explain, suave and couth. - But for this man, honey, these will not do.
For you are too special, you sweet thang you. - I got you a gift, without taste nor odour,
Better than diamonds, it’s a new trollin’ motor.
Posted in JokesComments (0)
Slideshow
